I've been stressing on quite a few things of late. As if being a new parent wasn't enough, for some reason it seems like lots of micro tests have been presenting themselves to me. I'm aware of it, and each time they arise I try to recognize it and stay patient. Ultimately, regardless of outcome, they are all tests of my patience, and therefore character. I think I'm doing ok with it.

Today though was on a whole other level.

I woke up late, after only some sleep, so in a frantic rush to head out the door for work I run around the house grabbing things I'll need. Then I hear a drip. I do that, I see little things, I hear little things. My wife is assured that my hearing has gone bad from years of being in a band. I don't think so, I think my focus has altered and I don't have a meter that tells me when someone else feels like they are saying something important in that moment. But that's a whole other topic.

So I hear the drip. It was raining the most in this part of California so far this year. Ok, maybe it's outside, maybe it's somewhere else. Nope, I know the sound of a drip hitting plastic bags. It's familiar from living in the UK and hearing it many times before. So I scour the ceiling to notice a fast drip coming through the wood panels in the ceilings. Looking around, there's another and another.

I swallowed my stomach and heaved it back again. I couldn't help but think "we can't afford this". There is no worse feeling. If we were financially better off, we wouldn't waste it, we're quite frugal. But as we stand today, we ACTUALLY can't afford it. It sounds like a bad country song...:

"It's raining inside, and there's a dent in my pride, while my old lady feeds the baby next door. Not sure what we could do, because our options are few, with no cash to fix it tonight."

Or something like that. I tell Kris about it and to have her put some towels and buckets down. I head to work and call my brother to have him go over and help her out. After being at work a few hours, my boss says I can go home when I need to. Later the message is that it's not only leaking in the pantry but now it's leaking in the bedroom above our daughters bassinet. Fear and terror replace the gut swallowed pride.

So after a drive home, a stop at home depot, and a few hours up in the attic. I've managed to slow the leak from the roof to the attic, and plastic off enough area to pool any remaining leaks that can be then bucketed out later, or dried up. My body aches and for a guy with some of the worst allergies you can imagine, sitting in insulation that's been soaked in old redwood tree sap mixed with rainwater, my skin and chest don't feel so great. But, that doesn't matter until after this problem is solved.

So now I've checked it again, no more drips, but the rain has also all but stopped. A mere drizzle teases me before going to bed, and I wait for an onslaught of mother natures shower while I sleep. If it does hold off, then tomorrow I'll clean out the plastic and try to finish sealing off the roof from the inside.

This day, what a day.

Well the band has been an ongoing project for me, and basically anyone within my vicinity, for the past decade. It's had ups and downs, but has given me some fond memories and been a vessel for meeting people, sharing experiences, and so much more. We're now losing our latest drummer...not sure what it is with this project and drummers. I think there have been a total of five now. Two have been very committed and done the most with the band, but otherwise it's difficult. Finding a drummer, even harder!

With two albums under our belt, some great reviews, some awesome live shows, and even fonder memories. I keep wondering if I let the project die a slow quiet death, or do I inject my passion and fire one more time just to see what happens? Do I start a new project and move to a different sound? Do I become a solo artist and just write and record at home? I can't decide. I know I don't enjoy the state of flux though. It really bums me out. Feeling like the band isn't there is like losing a friend, forgetting about it, and then the day you really want to call them you can't. That's what the past year or so has been like. I want to gig, but we can't. I want to record, but we can't. I've said no to more opportunities because of things beyond my control that it drives me batty.

I'm not angry about that per say, it's just frustrating. At this point, I just want to keep writing, gig around, share the experience and meet more people. It's the greatest aspect of the band. But that's looking less and less like a reality.

Fingers crossed that fate this time delivers someone or something to make this work because I'm not going to force this one, I'm not going to be aggressive about it...purely because I can't spread myself that thin anymore.

Another pic of our CEO Nancy got put online the other day. This is being used by various media as an "in action" shot. Which is pretty funny considering how much staging we did to light it, etc. Last minute throw together, but with the help of our Director of Multimedia Account Services helping me it came out pretty good I think. I have to admit I really enjoy the job of making this lady look good.



http://blog.duarte.com/2009/09/where-in-the-u-s-is-nancy-duarte/

So recently Kristina and I were offered some prints from tinyprints.com due to a former student of mine working there. We had some fun pics, but I thought I'd like to get something a bit more formal for the cards. Basically using them for thank you cards. Shameless plug for a second. Their service was great, and the range of designs is amazing. If you have any need for announcements, cards, or anything like that, I definitely endorse and recommend them.

Anyway, here are some of the photos from that shoot.











I have to admit. We're tired, anxious, tense, most of the time. You snap at each other more and you'll just shoot off at the bit. But we both realize it's because we're tired and our patience levels are low. All that said, I wouldn't change any of it for a second. Fatherhood so far is amazing, and seeing her changes from every couple of days is so rapid. The development at this early age is overwhelming.

I think she smiled at me today, although my wife doesn't believe me. I still say it was a smile.

I'm still slammed as ever. Been helping friends with freelance work, helping my wife with freelance work, and now I'm back at work, it's really been a lot to deal with. But like I've always said, "better busy then bored..."

It dawned on me today that most men in my family don't survive past the age of 67. So for me being at 32 I started realizing, I'm halfway to the average. Would I say I've accomplished half of what I want to? In varying levels, yes and no, but I do like where a big part of my life is headed.

More updates soon, I promise!

So last Friday my coworkers held a "Make Art + Wine" event at the agency. I was asked if I could get our band Point 3 to perform. Unfortunately schedules conflicted so we pushed through and did an acoustic duet performance. It was a good time, pretty mellow, but everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

This was a video clip of our new song Colder recorded by Gritphilm with his point and shoot, the amazing Canon G10.

So they say let your kids listen to music, read to them, and more...

exposing them to learn things is a great way to go...

well now she is working with me on editing, batch processing, tech support and multi-tasking the internet.

Daddy daughter time at it's finest!

So they say let your kids listen to music, read to them, and more...

exposing them to learn things is a great way to go...

well now she is working with me on editing, batch processing, tech support and multi-tasking the internet.

Daddy daughter time at it's finest!

As you can imagine we've been consumed with taking care of our daughter Fiona. You think you're ready, you think you've bought all you need, you think you're prepared...You're not! Things you've bought run out fast, then she'll get a sniffle which means a trip to Target to by a cool mist humidifier, oh yeah it's nuts! But she's so beautiful, it's hard not to be lost in the moments brought on by her presence.

Last night in a candle lit room, friends sang happy birthday to my wife, and afterward I snuck a picture of Fiona in.



So far so good! She's eating like a trucker, and seems to be gaining weight. Fingers crossed for all things positive at her 2nd pediatrician visit this week.

All the best,

Mark

So what a roller coaster the past 10 days have been! But I don't think I could write enough about the experience so I guess I'll let this image pairing tell the story for me.



She's still in NICU at the hospital, but is growing stronger everyday and is hopefully going to be home within the next few weeks. Very ahead of schedule, which seems to be her trend. :O)

Hi everyone,

so as of yesterday at 9:30am exactly Fiona Mackenzie Heaps was born via emergency c-section after 32 weeks within her mommy. She had some mild respiratory distress but since then has regulated and gotten off of all her machines that were stimulating her lungs.

She was born 4lbs 14oz, and 18.5" long. She will be living in the Natal Intensive Care Unit for the next 6-8 weeks as we work on helping her develop and grow strong. After that we will have some required goals to pass that will allow us to bring her home.

In the meantime mother and daughter seem to be doing well and are showing strong signs leading to recovery. Here are a few pics of us from this morning.

Introducing my little girl.









Documentation and photos provided by our dear friend Gritphilm.

So keep sending those positive vibes and good thoughts our way to help our little girl grow strong and be able to come home with her mommy as soon as she's ready.

So last Sunday evening Kristina was admitted to the ante natal ward at a local hospital here in San Jose. She's only 31 weeks along in her pregnancy but because of the Placent Previa condition she is already starting to have labor contractions and is bleeding irregularly. Not enough yet to justify delivering the baby early, but it is enough to make her very uncomfortable or in pain most of the time.

They've tried a variety of medications to stop contractions but because of Kris' existing heart condition and the Previa they can't do much other then wait. Basically they are prepped for an emergency, otherwise it's a hurry up and wait scenario.

Today they had her off all the other meds which caused her to have a hypotension reaction and her blood pressure dropped at one point to 65 over 36. They stabilized her but she did have one other attack at 6 am this morning. As a result they now have her on magnesium being fed through an IV. Nasty stuff! It makes her feel really warm, nauseous, and dizzy. I was in her room where it was 52°, I was freezing cold which is rare for me, and she was still complaining about being warm.

Thankfully baby is still showing strong signs with a good heartbeat and lots of movement. At one point I felt upset that Kris was going through all this, I wanted to say sorry, that maybe this was too much to ask of anyone to endure and suffer through. If you'd seen her ups and downs this week you'd for sure know my position. Right as I was going to say something to her, Kris hugs me in her bed and says, "it's not that bad, and as long as she's safe it's worth it..."

If that's not a mother, I don't what one is.

So good vibes and positivity from all over the globe is being sent to Kris and the baby in hospital.

If we can make it 5 more weeks we'll reach the doctors goal of 36 weeks. Fingers crossed and hope for patience.

In truth I don't know of many people read my LJ anymore. I've become engulfed in the Facebook madness purely out of it's convenience and simplicity. It's everything Myspace started out as, and it has not yet become retarded and juvenile. Although I'm sick to death of invites for causes and games that I'll never play, and me joining a cause on Facebook is such a fake way to join a cause..."oh yeah, well your IP makes a difference man". No it doesn't.

In other news our little girl should be here in approximately 6 weeks. Tomorrow morning is our final scan with the ultrasound. I can't wait, it's so great when I get to see her! I'm also a bit terrified, I mean last time we got within the 4 week mark and then it all went terribly wrong. But that was the past, and I don't want to be the source of misery or prophecy so I'm just believing in the best possible outcome. Although they'll be delivering via C-Section so it's all going to be scheduled and done early this time. So in that, we should be covered.

Good news was my brother was hired for a new job, yes at another car dealership. He's now the finance/sales manager at a Cadillac dealer. Pretty cool job, and now his life is getting back on track, albeit slower then I think he would like, he can now throw himself into something and work to succeed for his daughter and himself.

For me work is good, although I'm trying to get back into the routine after a pretty whacky month. Between working on site at the event in the city and working remotely from Austin one of the days, it's nice to be back on site with my team.

I've also helped coordinate some subjects for a photography workshop with Zack Arias. That happened on campus at Google on Friday. It was a lot of fun and I think the photographers really enjoyed me bringing in a bunch of local musicians to take photos of. I can't wait till Zack sends us his images, I'm sure they are going to be amazing.

I'm also playing drums for a different band called "the tricycle wipeout". It's a lot of fun, very green, but I'm enjoying it. The songwriter has some great messages and stories to tell, and I like the forms of melody he composes in. Our first show is July 15th, so if I can I'll be posting video after that.

Well it's late, I'm tired, I think it's time for beddie boes...g'night world.

I don't know why I like this shot so much but I do. I took it in SF during the Moscone week. Weird i guess, but I really am fascinated by CCTV.

Took a quick moment out to sneak in some photos at the convention center iPhone App display late at night after everyone had left. 20,000 "chiclet" apps silhouetting Gritphilm.

Gritphilm captured a shot of me outside while we take a moment, a break in our 16 hour days, to head outside and look up to remember the sun and breathe in that fine San Francisco air.



MMmm, Strawberry lemonade at Mel's Diner.



The banner in the main concourse at "dub dub".



They hand cleaned the store front for Apple in SF. Crazy!!!



They had iPhone "chiclets" all over the building.



Hey I have this one!!!



Our cashew snack that Grit brought in...



"Chiclet" windows...



As Gritphilm puts it... "low-ri-der"

Just a few more days and we're out of here.

What a crazy year it's been. Just a year ago I was working here as a contractor with my now regular cohorts wondering where life was leading. Depressed about losing my sister and my daughter and unsure of my future career opportunities, it was a bit of a trying time.

This year I'm working with all my friends from Duarte, and my wife is even working the event this year as a new contractor for our company. She's glowing pregnant and we're both excited about what things will come in the next few months. The prepping of the room, getting the clothes organized, talking about names, and so much more.

I feel very lucky to know that life has come around to the other side of the cloud and I honestly feel much less stressed then I did before.

Pivotal.

I realize that I'm posting less and less.

I seem to be caught in that flux of working more and more, and using Facebook as a medium to keep in touch with everyone. I will hopefully get back on track with my LJ here pretty soon but for now I'm working on site for a major client for the next two weeks. First week is event prep and second week is event support.

Presentation Design, a niche that's always in demand.

I did just get back from another short trip to Austin, Texas...loved it again!

So tonight I was asked to do a quick photoshoot for Analog Tattoo's new t-shirt designs. Shot from 10:30pm - 11:30pm including setup. Came outside to find my car boxed in by city street workers doing road work around my car. Eventually got out of there after midnight.

Came home, downloaded the shots, and decided to knock it out while I had some idea of the specs in my head. Here is the final product, just uploaded to my flickr.



Enjoy! there is a biggun...under the cut
( Read more... )

Well I heard from the leader on the Tattoo book project that the drive has been officially "shipped" to Hong Kong for printing. (quiet cheers go off in my head)

During all this San Jose, California was prepping for it's first annual music festival titled "LEFT COAST LIVE". We played last night at 11pm at the South First Billiards, SOFA District "B" stage. I'm glad we chose the B stage because it was near the bar where people could hang out. It was much more intimate, the sound was more "real" and it just felt genuine to me. We played to a lot of people we didn't know, and got to see a lot of friendly faces that haven't been close in 1-3 years. That made me smile. The stress of dealing with this event really caused me to question why was I even in a band. That's the first time I've ever really done that, at least with any real conviction. After playing the event, I remembered why I love it so much. When my band mates are positive, it makes the world of difference. It reminds me that I like to be surrounded by people who are filled with optimism and seek out opportunity rather then just whine, play the victim, and sit back and absorb all the negative crap the world has readily available to fling at us like monkeys with poo.

Good friends, good vibes, good sounds, and a good kind of pain today recovering from that.

It was especially nice seeing something like this unfold in San Jose. It was spoken about in the context of "this will be San Jose's version of SXSW in Austin." We're a long, long, way from that but it really did get a healthy start. There were some real f@#k ups in the sense of logistics, organization, preparation, communication, impression, perception and efficacy. However, the things they did right, they did very right, and so in that...I hope to play it again. More importantly I hope I can engage more in being a part of some solutions because as I mentioned earlier, I hate when all that people do are point out the problems.

To reward myself for all that we, as in my family, have been through lately. Long hours, chaotic dealings, and just overall exhaustion, I decided to go with my wife to the outlet malls, spend some time together and buy myself a new hate, two new pairs of Vans shoes, and two new shirts.

The rest as they say, is history.

Here are some pics from the event...courtesy of the ever journalistic talents made fresh by Gritphilm
http://www.flickr.com/photos/gritphilm/sets/72157618194060193/

I love these few...





( Read more... )

Well after many late nights, and all the toil and trouble, my part in the digital imaging production of "Bloodwork" the book featuring sleeves by some of the best from the World Tattoo Collective is now over.

After painting and compositing roughly 490 images together, averaging 2.4gb for each photoshop document, I am done. Now we start ordering proofs from the print house back in good old Hong Kong and then make adjustments from there. But, the painting, the hours of cutting and layering, is done.

I had some major help from Adrian Lee and Gritphilm, as well as some one off supporters here and there, in cutting out many of the pictures and couldn't have met deadlines without their support.

So what crazy thing am I going to take on next? Nothing, I need to revisit some old projects and get those back on track. The photos of Alexx Calise need to be finished, a gallery exhibit I'd been talking to some people about for photos, and my solo music project.

Ahhh, it just never ends does it. I guess that's best, I don't do domestication very well.